BY TOM SOMACH

The new United States Poker League (USPL) may have to fold even before it has dealt a hand.

The new professional poker league, which was announced last month and is to begin play Oct. 20, is sure to face trademark issues and legal battles from established professional sports leagues, over the names of some of the USPL franchises.

The USPL has teams representing 25 U.S. cities, and three of those teams in particular are likely to draw the legal ire of the National Football League (NFL) or Major League Baseball (MLB).

Those USPL teams in question are the Pittsburgh Stealers, the Dallas Kowboys and the St. Louis Cards.

The NFL, of course, has a team called the Pittsburgh Steelers and another team called the Dallas Cowboys.

And despite the slight variation in the spelling of the similary-named USPL teams, does anyone think for one minute that the NFL, once it becomes aware of all this, won’t sic a legion of lawyers on the USPL for trademark infringement and God knows what else?

Not to mention the fact that the NFL is totally against gambling in any form–it doesn’t even allow NBC to promo its TV series “Las Vegas” during NFL telecasts–and surely will want no connection, real or perceived, to a poker league.

The fact that the USPL changes the spelling of the offending teams–Stealers instead of Steelers and Kowboys instead of Cowboys–shows that it is aware it is copying the name of existing teams. Changing one letter won’t save it from the NFL, though.

Not by a long shot.

The case of the St. Louis Cards could even be worse.

There already is a MLB team called that–the St. Louis Cardinals, often called St. Louis Cards for short.

And although MLB isn’t quite as uptight as the NFL is about gambling–casinos advertise in pro baseball stadiums but not pro football stadiums–it’s just as protective of its trademarks, and just as certain to go after the USPL for infringing on them.

And if that’s not enough trouble for the upstart UPSL, a fourth UPSL team is called the Cincinnati Royals.

Although it no longer exists, there used to be a National Basketball Association (NBA) team called the Cincinnati Royals, so the NBA likely still owns the rights and trademark to that name, and presumably, could sue to retain those rights.

What were the organizers of the USPL thinking?

When they named their league’s teams, did they really think the professional sports leagues they were ripping off wouldn’t find out?

Or wouldn’t care?

Or did the USPL just not care?

Whatever the excuse, the whole sorry episode shows that the people who run the USPL are really a bunch of clueless clowns.

And despite the big-name poker players they’ve convinced to join the USPL, when clowns get together, what usually results is a circus.

(E-mail Tom Somach at tomsomach@yahoo.com.